Trust Issues

Leaning against the wall, she looked out of the window. The moon was of the shape of the chapati she used to make( when she was learning how to cook), just a few days away from full moon. She hummed, ‘hmmm’ every now and then to the things he said from the other side of the phone. It was harder to tell if it was his voice which resonated with the calmness of night or it was the other way round. Listening to him through her earphones, she laughed at his lame jokes while playing with her hair.

In the midst he asked her, calling her name like she belonged to him, ‘Do you trust me?’ ‘Do I trust him?’ she asked herself in her head. ‘Do I?’

She remembered the time when she didn’t trust the bus conductor of a crowded bus to return her change of mere five rupees, or the time when she didn’t trust the auto rickshaw driver to take her to her destination in broad daylight, or the time when she didn’t trust herself to sit on the poolside alone and not jump in the water(when she didn’t even know how to swim in the first place), or the time when she didn’t trust her friends to keep a secret, or the time when she didn’t trust her family to support her in her dreams.

Even though she was tempted to resort to indirect answer,which would have lead to the change of topic altogether, she knew the straight question deserved a straight answer. A simple yes or no. She opened her mouth to answer him but then remembered the time when she blindly trusted the guy who borrowed and burst off her brand new ball when she was just three years old, or the time when she trusted her aunt and told her about her fear of darkness only to find her aunt pull a prank on her by locking her in a darkroom, or the time when she trusted the guy she loved to stand beside her, when she was at her worst, but was left alone, or the time when she trusted her friends to not to judge her, for her choice, only to find them being judged for all wrong reasons.

The last question she asked herself before answering him was,’Do I need to trust him?’ No, right? But no, she heard herself reply, ‘Yes’. Because no matter what, the sun will always set in the west, the water will always be colorless, the dangers will still lurk in the darkness, the brain will coax her to take sane decisions and the heart will eventually overrule the sanity of brain waves, all the while pumping red blood, primarily supporting human life but with an ulterior motive of morally supporting a stupid thing called ‘Love’.

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